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So I was the only single one. I was talking this alarming predicament over with Harry one day, when I suddenly remembered him mentioning that he knew a really sweet, funny girl called Lara. What was the deal with her? Harry: She was a friend of the family, and the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to me that she and Dougie would be perfect for each other. She was a really talentedpainter, and pretty much Dougie in a girl’s body. Why hadn’t I thought of it before? My brother lived in a shared house with Lara's sister, so I put the feelers out. Did she have a boyfriend? Word came back that she did. Bummer.

Dougie: It called for a plan, so I cooked one up. I was in the process of decorating my flat, trying to make it a bit more personal, ready for me to move back into. A lotof the people I hang out with are artists, and I had this one massive blank wall on which I was going to ask someone to make a painting. Lara was a painter. Her stuff is awesome. I could ask her! If I commissioned her to do a painting for me, we could at least get talking. Me and Lara met up at the Ivy club in London to discuss the painting. I knew before I even walked into the room that she wassomething special (I had stalked her on facebook and grilled Harry for any info) but as soon as I laid eyes on her I became even more infatuated. She looked amazing; awesome clothes and headband and grinning from ear to ear. She looked like a much fitter, real life version of Esmeralda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and she was very, very funny. I kept testing the water, seeing how far I couldtake my jokes. Lara would always push them one step further. We met at 12 o clock and didn't finish talking until about seven. The only way I can describe meeting Lara is as if you had spent your entire life walking around with one leg, then one day you meet someone and all of a sudden you have two legs and life becomes amazing. Now you can run and jump and everyday life becomes easy and wonderful,all because you have met this one person. I left the Ivy Club buzzing and after that first meeting we found ourselves constantly emailing each other-pages and pages of jokes and pictures, links to sites we liked and videos we found funny The emailing thing went on for a couple of weeks, but all I really wanted to do was see her again. With Harry's help I composed an email asking her if she wantedto hang out. She declined because she has a boyfriend. 'That's not what I meant' I lied 'Strictly platonic' So just as 'platonic fuck-ups' we hung out. We were best mates from the word go. It was a new experience for me. I was enjoying the company of someone without booze or drugs. I was on top of the world. We hung out about four times. One of the places we went to was Viktor Wynd's Little Shopof Horrows, a curiosity/taxidermy shop in town that also sells vintage porn, penis shaped pepper shakers and monkey heads attached to fish tails so they look like mermaids. Of all the things in that shop she could have picked out, Lara fell in love with a little plastic FisherPrice egg. That's exactly the sort of thing that made me fall so hard for her. But the more we hung out, the more I gothung up on her. And more I got hung up on her, the guiltier I felt. i wasn't that far into my recovery and one of the things I had been advised to do was to always look at my part to play in any drama and keep my side of the street clean. To keep myself in check and not upset or harm others around me. To be as spiritual as possible. My situation was getting too much. I REALLY liked Lara. I asked herto meet up again and knowing it would be our last time I tried to make it special. I took her to a freak burlesque show. As the night came to an end. I somehow found the courage to tell her I couldn't see her any more. It killed me to say those words. I explained that I had fallen for her and us hanging out wasn't a good idea or fair anymore. Lara agreed, and the next day I picked up the...