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MARLEY VAN NOORST yep, hello, tupac's long lost sister over there goes by the name of marley van noorst. she's the afrikaner result of an american business man on vacation in durban one summer nearly eighteen years ago and a particularly attractive south african girl almost ten years his junior. they had little in common, but outwardly they got along well enough for her to be alright with him going and sticking things in unholy places that ultimately ended up with her being up the duff. in some sort of attempt to pretend as if he had morals, he married the bright-eyed girl and stuck by her long enough to raise their little blessing - at least until she was eleven years old. her mother, anke, fought her father long and hard about staying in south africa. they argued frequently over little things but this was by far the touchiest subject. eventually, when marley was nine, anke caved and they moved to buxton where papa van noorst grew up. he rarely came home to the disgustingly grand homestead he trapped them in, and it was clear that anke's spirits were crushed as she sunk into a depression that crippled marley's adolescence. she was a rambunctious and bizarre child - some might even go as far to say she was delusional and perhaps too charismatic for her own good. a defining moment in her life was when she tried to convince four asians to become her harajuku girls as she attempted to embody gwen stefani. divorce on the horizon, marley turned to literature as a way to pass the time and transport herself out of this hell hole.

but lo, things took a turn for the even more unsettling when daddy van noorst moved his new wife and their children into the van noorst estate. there were two children, sarah and mark. the females of that family were bible thumpers to the highest degree, meaning from day one that marley's outspoke and essentially sacrilegious personality clashed with theirs. she rolled joints with pages from the bible, snuck out late to meet boys, and