]Romeu e julieta

No, I do not own Romeo and Juliet. I am, however, having a lot of fun with these characters. But no, I do not claim any rights to them. Just this bizarre alternate ending to their story.

Awareness came very slowly. It crawled sluggishly, bringing a trail of disjointed phrases with it. Someone was speaking, and their voice was quivering slightly, as if holding back tears. The voice was slightly familiar as well, though it was hard to place. With a great amount of concentration, the voice came more into focus. Strangely, it sounded as if the speaker was talking about…killing themselves! What?

"Come bitter conduct; come, unsavory guide!

Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on

The dashing rocks the seasick weary bark!

Here's to my lo-"

"What exactly do you think you're doing?" A rather incredulous voice asked.

Rome turned, with the flask still raised to his lips. His eyes attempted to pop out of his skull as he watched his dead wife sitting up on her crypt, looking at him with a slightly puzzled expression. For a few seconds he was frozen. He didn't breathe, he didn't think. His heart refused to beat. His hair didn't even shift slightly. Then his face broke into a broad grin. "That was amazingly fast! I don't even remember drinking it!"

Juliet rolled her eyes and hopped off the crypt where her body had been placed. She walked over to Romeo, grabbed the vial out of his hand, and shook it to make sure he hadn't actually managed to drink any of it. She then took a deep breath and jumped him.

Romeo still hadn't quite realized what was going on, but was nevertheless happy to reply to his wife's frenzied and rather wet kisses. They would have gone a bit farther than would strictly be allowed in this tale were it not for the fact that Juliet realized that five feet away was the dead and oozing form of Paris. This, of course, sent her into hysterics, and they had to step outside the tomb so she could calm down.

The mood was thoroughly ruined, so