]Romeu e julieta

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No, I do not own Romeo and Juliet. I am, however, having a lot of fun with these characters. But no, I do not claim any rights to them. Just this bizarre alternate ending to their story.

Awareness came very slowly. It crawled sluggishly, bringing a trail of disjointed phrases with it. Someone was speaking, and their voice was quivering slightly, as if holding back tears. The voice was slightlyfamiliar as well, though it was hard to place. With a great amount of concentration, the voice came more into focus. Strangely, it sounded as if the speaker was talking about…killing themselves! What?

"Come bitter conduct; come, unsavory guide!

Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on

The dashing rocks the seasick weary bark!

Here's to my lo-"

"What exactly do you think you'redoing?" A rather incredulous voice asked.

Rome turned, with the flask still raised to his lips. His eyes attempted to pop out of his skull as he watched his dead wife sitting up on her crypt, looking at him with a slightly puzzled expression. For a few seconds he was frozen. He didn't breathe, he didn't think. His heart refused to beat. His hair didn't even shift slightly. Then his face broke intoa broad grin. "That was amazingly fast! I don't even remember drinking it!"

Juliet rolled her eyes and hopped off the crypt where her body had been placed. She walked over to Romeo, grabbed the vial out of his hand, and shook it to make sure he hadn't actually managed to drink any of it. She then took a deep breath and jumped him.

Romeo still hadn't quite realized what was going on, but wasnevertheless happy to reply to his wife's frenzied and rather wet kisses. They would have gone a bit farther than would strictly be allowed in this tale were it not for the fact that Juliet realized that five feet away was the dead and oozing form of Paris. This, of course, sent her into hysterics, and they had to step outside the tomb so she could calm down.

The mood was thoroughly ruined, soJuliet decided that she'd better just go ahead and explain the idiotic plan that Friar Laurence had initiated.

"Are you saying that you actually faked killing yourself, instead of just running away or something?!?! Where is the logic in that?!" Romeo's hands curled around his hair and tugged in exasperation. This didn't make that much sense, even to Romeo, but he did it anyway. After all,that's what people did in this kind of a situation.

"Well," said Juliet, gently tugging Romeo's hands away from his abused head, "it seemed like a good idea at the time. I suppose, looking back, it might have been a bit of a rushed decision."
Rome grumbled. "That's one hell of an understatement!" He placed his hand tenderly on her cheek and looked into her eyes. "I could have lost you." Julietsmiled and stared longingly back.

It was a lovely, romantic, and generally star-filled moment. It would have made many sappy romantics faint with sheer joy. But it was sadly interrupted by the crazed mutterings of a somewhat insane monk. Oh, scratch that. An insane friar. Whatever.

"Oh dear Saint Francis, that was my last extra habit. If I lose another game I'm going to have to sell my donkey!Ah well, the blasted old thing deserves it. She stepped on my best pair of dice. Now I'm going to have to pay to get those replaced as well! Oh, this day is just getting better all the ti-"

The muttering cut off.

He turned to the left.

He blinked in confusion, realized that he'd gotten his directions mixed up, and turned to the right instead. Then he smiled with surprise and joy. "AhRomeo! You're here already! And Juliet, already awake. Isn't this a bit early? Well, no matter. Come, we must be off! We need to send you two off to Mantua with all haste! The watch is on there way here!"

He turned back the way he'd come, expecting them to follow. They didn't. He turned back to face them again, his expression slightly confused.

Juliet took a deep breath, and squeezed Romeo's...